Майтапи

[Гост]

Един от любимите ми вицове е този. ИМаше го някъде в предните страници.

и мен ме изкефи, но ако го има двапъти по-добре едната версия да се изтрие

[VladDracul]

Проблема е че цената е за изпълнение на лечител със среден ръст. Ти влизаш ли в тази категория???

Ами аз не знам колко е средния, но по принцип съм 164см

[Гост]

Ами аз не знам колко е средния, но по принцип съм 164см

Че идеално бе
Ама не е ли за друга тема това ...

[Док Холидей]

Ще ти се, Стагоне, ще ти се...

[Гост]

Ще ти се, Стагоне, ще ти се...

Ич, биля Тя е за някой от по-младата генерация, като теб
ама не да я удряш :twak: , ама и ти... :o

[VladDracul]

Започвам да се чувствам като пържола....
:p :lol:

[Гост]

Започвам да се чувствам като пържола....
:p :lol:

Хм, мислех че си вегетарианка... :argh:

[VladDracul]

Хм, мислех че си вегетарианка... :argh:

Ами мислех да стана, но като дойде времето за барбекю-то на двора и то..... някак все не се получаваше

А малко и по темата (преди малко ми пратиха тази простотийка)
->


"GIPSY BIG BROTHER: LIVE BROADCAST
Първи ден: Голям купон по случай, че сите роми заедно са събрали 12 души, които не са роднини помежду си. Освен това са сами в цялапартамент 300 квадрата. Йедене и пиене на корем, докато е още чистичко.

Втори ден: Оказва се, че съквартирантите не са 12, ами 36 човека, защото всеки е донесъл в куфара си по двама свои роднини.

Трети ден: Водата в джакузито е газирана, ама става за пиене. Съквартирантите са недоволни, защото в изповедалнята няма тоалетна хартия, а пликовете от мисиите много драскат.

Четвърти ден: Нонстоп секс понеже няма друго за правене.

Първа елиминация: Сериозен проблем, понеже са номинирани Манго, Хасан и Айше, а така се казват 28 души от всичките 36. В крайна сметка доброволно си тръгват по трима от всяка група. След тяхното заминаване къщата мистериозно остава без одеала, батерии за чешмите, мокет, помпа на джакузито и дръжки на вратите.

Втори месец: Досега няма успешно завършена мисия, понеже още на първите елиминации са изхвърлили оня Хасан, дето е учил първи клас и след това няма кой да чете условията. В крайна сметка съквартирантите са с около 200 процента на минус от бюджета. Няма за ядене, изпушили са храстите, в боклука също няма нищо, бубите също са изядени, а в крайна сметка спира токът, защото някой е прибрал жиците. Пак е време за нонстоп секс.

Три месеца след края на шоуто: Телевизията е фалирала, праграмата е закрита, но никой не се е сетил да изведе съквартирантите. "

[Пилот]

Започвам да се чувствам като пържола....
:p :lol:

Абсолютно вярно заключение.

[Док Холидей]

Ич, биля Тя е за някой от по-младата генерация, като теб
ама не да я удряш :twak: , ама и ти... :o

Ти може и да я налагаш ама едно е с точилката на баба друго е с фелдмаршалския жезъл.

Така ли е, Влад?

[VladDracul]

Ти може и да я налагаш ама едно е с точилката на баба друго е с фелдмаршалския жезъл.

Така ли е, Влад?

Внимавайте, че да не почна да раздавам шамарите

[HELLCAT]

Мацето се прибира в квартирата и почва да си събира багажа. Идва и гаджето й и я пита:
- К`во ста`а, бе коте ?
- Напускам те !!!
- И що !?
- Що`т си педофил !!!
- Аууу, много сложна думичка за едно 11-годишно маце, не мислиш лии?

[Gaden Gogi]

What we Brits have learned from American Movies T

he ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place.
No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any part of the building you want to without difficulty.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, there's no need to speak the language; a German accent will do.
German guards at important factories and prison camps are almost totally deaf.
Anyone can land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
All car chases involve either:
a) driving through a street market, sending fruit and chickens flying everywhere, or
b) driving at breakneck speed along winding mountain roads.
All chases on foot end up down a trash can filled alleyway with a high wire fence at the end.
The tyres on all American cars always squeal and screech - even if they're driving on grass or sand.
No one ever locks the car doors when they leave them.
When driving at night, all cars have a light in the dash that illuminate the occupants.
Cars that crash will always burst into flames.
Cars that leap over Bridges or Gorges never get damaged (especially in Hazzard County)
Whenever you turn the lights out in Hollywood houses, it doesn't get dark - it just turns blue.
In fact, you don't actually have to turn the lights out - or on - it just happens automatically whanever you put your hand on - or near - the switch.

All men wear boxer shorts in bed, even after a night of red-hot passion.
Bed sheets in Hollywood bedrooms are all "L" -shaped... they always cover the woman up above her breasts, but cover the man just up to his hips.
All telephone numbers begin with 555.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.
When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.
All grocery shopping bags must contain at least one French loaf.
Beaches never have any fat, old or ugly people on them.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
People low down on the cast list always walk backwards into dark rooms in Horror films.
One man shooting at 20 men has an excellent chance of killing all of them.
20 men firing at 1 man will all miss.
The more a man and woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.
All journeys through major cities will involve driving past all of its major tourist attractions in a random order.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
When the hero's phone rings it will be a friend telling him to switch on the TV. The exact news item he wishes to talk about will be instantly displayed on screen from the start, even though there is a choice of 50 + channels.
All Aliens speak English.
All Aliens are identical to humans from the neck down, having only funny heads to distinguish them.
All police investigations will involve a visit to a strip club - where the investigating officers will show no interest whatsoever in the naked bodies all around them.
If a detective pops into his local grocery store, it will be held up at gunpoint.
When cops buy food at the local deli and return to their patrol car, as soon as they start eating they will receive an emergency call over the radio and have to throw their food out of the windows.
When driving a car it is normal to look not at the road but at the person sitting beside you or in the back seat for the entire journey, and to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right, even though the road is perfectly straight.
Laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien civilization.
A single match will light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium.
All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of software.
If a fight breaks out in a bar, everyone in the place will join in and will instantly know who's side they are on.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a martial arts fight; your enemies will dance around pulling martial arts-type poses and wait politely until you have knocked out their predecessors.
Action heroes never face charges of manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste by their actions.
When staying in a haunted house, if there are any strange noises any women present will change into flimsy and revealing underwear before investigating.
Women also always have an irresistible urge to bath when it is known there is a vicious killer loose in their area. They will open all large ground floor windows too.
When paying for a taxi, no need to look at your wallet - just pull out a banknote at random, it will be the exact fare.
When speaking together, all foreigners speak English.
If you are captured by an evil tyrant, he will explain all of his plans for world domination to you, before leaving you alone in a fiendish device designed to kill you, from which it will always be easy to escape.
No-one ever farts, forgets names, picks their nose or stumbles over their words.
If a person is knocked unconscious, they will wake up with no lasting brain damage or other after effects.
If you are a blonde and pretty, it is possible to become the world expert in Nuclear Fission at age 22.
A detective can only solve a case if he has been suspended from duty.

The Gospel according to the
ROYAL ARMORED CORPS

In the beginning was the Mud, the Trenches and the Barbed wire, the voice of the Machine Gun was heard throughout the land. And the Cavalry and the Infantry were sore afraid and they prayed for redemption, but redemption was not at hand.

And the hosts of the Cavalry and the Infantry did retire from the field of battle and prayed to their gods - Sabre, Lance and Carbine and made obeisance to their great god of victory HORSE, praying for deliverance.

And it came to pass that their prayers were answered for from the west came a great host and with them came Firepower, Armour and Mobility, the prophets of the true god TANK.

The great host of TANK did smite the evil Mud, Trenches and Barbed wire with fire and steel and did drive the Machine Gun from the land with great slaughter and lamentation. And the hosts of Cavalry and Infantry did rejoice and make merry, praising the name of TANK.

But it came to pass that the people turned from the true god TANK, and did pray once again to their old gods - Sabre, Lance and Carbine.

And the followers of the true god TANK were reviled and cast into the Desert where they wandered.


But lo in the East there arose a great pestilence, and his name was Adolf, son of Schikelgruber, and he did come with his host of the Panzers and did bring fire and plague to the lands of many nations.

And then the Cavalry and the Infantry did repent that they had abandoned the one true god TANK and did cry out in a great voice calling for the Host to return.

And the great god TANK did return and did strive with Adolf son of Schikelgruber and there was great slaughter. And the great host of TANK did smite Adolf and drove him from the battlefield to the utter ruin of his host the Panzers.

And the tribes of Cavalry and Infantry were delivered and became as one people with the host of TANK, and did do homage to the prophets Firepower, Armour and Mobility and did worship the great god TANK.

The chosen people now number many but the greatest amongst them are the ones who spread the word and converted the unbelievers and they are called TREADHEADS.

[Neonix]

На военна стрелба:
- Редник Стоянов, та вие нито един път не улучихте мишената! Защо така?
- Аз възнамерявам да пленявам, господин капитан!

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Фелдфебел Строев командва:
- Всички на конете:
Всички се качват, само редник Балкански стои до коня си.
- Защо стоиш? - пита го фелдфебелът.
- Нямам кон.
- Как нямаш?
- Мойто е кобила, г-н фелдфебел.

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- Каква е пряката зависимост между краката и гърлото?
- Като си намокриш краката - боли те гърлото, като си намокриш гърлото - не те държат краката...

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Ако всичко ви е наред.
Ако жена ви е прекрасна.
Ако и любовницата ви е прекрасна.
Ако заплатата ви не само стига, а и остава.
Ако шефът ви е хубав човек.
Ако нямате никакви проблеми със здравето.
Кажете "не" на наркотиците!

[mellisa]

На хората със слаби сърца, на жените и децата /изключвам любимото дете, по-цинично и от мен / препоръчвам да не четат следващите редове. Малко са расистки

Знаете ли какво разделя човека от маймуната?
-Средиземно море.

Знаете ли как могат да се вкарат 100 евреи в един лек автомобил ?
-Трима отзад, един отпред, а останалите в пепелника.