Майтапи (версия бис)

[кало]

Няма начин репортерите да не са се сдобили с тази ценна информация от мастит "професор", шеф на НИМ. Пропуснал е да спомене, че казахът е чичо на Лили.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ig3EjNlKP5M

Поугс и Кейти Мелуа. Какво става след над 30 години злоупотреба и смесване на уиски, джин и бира... не говоря за Кейти, де.

и още малко от вездесъщия Шейн - този път - опит за интервю:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SirutCHZ-QI&feature=related

[IMPERATOR CÆSAR AVGVSTVS]

UncyclopediA

Предварително се извинявам, ако следващите материали подразнят националните самочувствия на некои хора. Повече данни за различните държави търсете в линковете с имената на съответните страни.

Ще започна с моите любимци от БЮРМ.

FYROM
The country formaly known as the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia Поранешна £угословенска Република Македони¼а (pronounced "Po-Yugo-Re-MAFIA"; По-£уго-Ре-МAфJA) -and it is actully part of Japan which however is not recognized by the world, because of the dispute with Faroe Islands- , the full name of this country is now Tcfkatfyrom (The country formerly known as the former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia)....

The state was first conceived a loooooooooooong time ago, in 1943 (it was in 1944 actually but who counts, it was soooooo long ago) as a federal entity of communist Yugoslavia by any one of the three leaders of the Yugoslav resistance, all named Josip Broz Tito (it is still unclear which one on them it was) and as such represents the first virtual state in cyberspace as it was occupied by Nazi Germany for two more years before physical independence.
Previously it was full of Turkeys until they were driven out by Franz Ferdinand, Gavrilo Princip and Boy George during the Worst World War. RM was then invaded by Alexander Battenburg, a cake maker and expert in fancy icing, waving the Treaty of San Stefano and a lock of Oscar Wilde's hair. Alexander Battenburg slipped on the grease and was helped up by Stamboliskii a pastry cook from Narnia....


Но нека бугаро-татарските патриоти не злорадстват много, щото има и за техната любима страна:

Bulgaria
Bulgaria (Bul-Gay-Ree-Yah), mountainous and consisting mostly of plains, is a small country in North-South Europe. It was founded by a race of angry pastry chefs, swept away from Asia by the Pokemon Invasion. Bulgaria is the fifth largest country in the World, after America and Wisconsin. Due to being always friendly with their neighbours Bulgarians are known as the most peaceful tribe in the region, and have never participated in any wars. Bulgarians also enjoy drinking the local beverages, rakia, boza (milk-based beverage with the consistency of semen) and vodka (mostly known as a Russian drink but originated in Bulgaria) and listening to the so called chalga music (gypsy/folk) which was invented by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. The western part of Bulgaria as known as a dump, while the Eastern part is known as a stinky junkyard.

Bulgarian Heroes (Българи юнаци)
...
The Biggest superhero of them all is Boiko Borisov(real name:Goiko Podrisov). He is the current mayor of the capital Sofia, but secretly protects the planet from aliens, jaywalkers and mutant gypsies. He was the first man to explore uninhabited places such as the Moon, Mars and Canada. He moves with a speed of 10 Pb/s...

Science
In 3495 BC the Bulgarian scientists discovered that 2 + 2 is 4. Three years later they proved it might be 5 depending on how many glasses of rakia you have drunk.



Спокойно! Има и за европатриотите - българофоби.
Ще продължа с матушка Рус, която има доста фенове в Тези форуми:

RussiaNote: This article should be read with a strong Russian accent at all times.
Russia (not to be confused with Ukraine) (Russian: Россия-мать-вашу), is the world's largest banana republic and the world's biggest source of smaller banana republics since 1991, commonly misspelled as 'hell', 'slaughterhouse', and 'rosin', a huge piece of Asian land, where barbarians called Russians reside. They are governed by authoritarian Dear Leader Vladimir Pudding, distantly related to Vlad the Impaler, known in former career as Vlad and the Wailers. If you dare to criticise Tovarishch (Comrade) Pudding, you will to be shot, or worse, sent off to Belarus. And pudding is delicious, so why would you?

...

Russia (commonly known more as "Rusnja" or "Russeh" in Canada) was founded upon being found by Mogul tribes in 1893. They built a great city called Vodkograd - city of vodka. There were ~10000 bars and breweries in Vodkograd. It was in that same year and city that the act called 'prostitution' was born.


Не са пощадени и британските идиоти от добрата стара Англия.

England
At the moment this country appears to have no redeeming value and so is a candidate for deletion and/or nuking. If this country isn't improved in 7 days it may be nuked. However, this country may have potential and with a better Prime Minister Or Queen it could become fit to stay...

England (pronounced ing-ger-lund) is widely regarded by people with a lesser intelligence as The United States's little bitch puppet. It is the largest exporter of haters of Scotland and pakistan (due to brown friday). After brown friday when pakies raided airbases, stole choppers, and airlifted all of Englands call centers off to India british telecom thought it would be a wise idea to change there name to Bombay telecom. England was created in 1066 by the Satan himself, just after creating Marmite. England is (without question) the greatest country on earth as long as you aren't fleeing opression or ethnic cleansing in your homeland or happen to be french, some would say its best to have no sense of smell as most corner shops are run by pakies that dont seem to be familiar with normal household products such as Cillit Bang!...

History
Though most of English history is so mind-numbingly boring that around 3,324,876,786 have died from brain aneurisms while being forced to learn it, here below is a brief summary scientifically designed to (hopefully) do the least damage. It has been proved by students from the educational institution of Manchester Metropolitan University in England that the French are sending over rainclouds to England, as well as inferior cheese and bread....


Разбира се, не мога да пропусна другите си любимци - франсетата - най-великият сред всички велики народи.:mhehe:

France
France is unfortunatly a country not too far away from the United Kingdom. Many people questioned why the Channel Tunnel (which is used to get from England to France) because many Brits don't like the French much...

For French people, read French
A nation in western Europe slightly below the UK in all or most senses,La France (from the Latin term for "the France") is the world's largest known Algerian colonial outpost, known for its Freedom fries, Freedomtoast, and Freedom snails. Formerly known as "Freedomland", it was changed to France by act of Parliament. By this time, however, Freedom Food was well known across the world, so the names stuck.
France was found tied to a large outcrop of Alpine mountains at the end of the English Channel. Founded by the vertically-challenged psychopath Napoléon Bonaparte, France nevertheless grew into the tall and muscular nation it is today. The French are renowned for fermenting excellent cheese, wall making, brewing fine wines, hurling sarcastic retorts at the British, and their use of walls....:mhehe:

Military History
....
- Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all people, the italians. [Or at this time in history, the Romans -ed.] (И тук възниква логичният въпрос - какво е общото между галите и французите - бел. I. C. A. :mhehe: )

- Hundred Years War - Mostly lost...

- Italian Wars - Lost...

- Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War - Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie...

- War of the Spanish Succession - Lost...

- American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." (Bolllocks- its us eNglish that always save their arses- Ed)
- French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French...

- The Napoleonic Wars - Lost...

- The Franco-Prussian War - Lost...

- World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by Britan and the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by British forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II - Lost...

- War in Indochina (Vietnam) - Lost...

- Algerian Rebellion - Lost...

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."


Да не забравя да спомена и Германия. Хайл Хитлер!:mhehe:

Germany
This Deutschland-related article appears to be lacking in efficiency. Its creator (who is probably Black, Jewish, or homosexual) will be eliminated....

Official languagesGerman,Yiddish,Turkish

Germany (pronounced "Naa-tzee-land-ur"), or Big Mean Adolf's House has been part of the Turkish Empire since 1989.

Germany ist ein Federalidascheinkraborg, conzisting of 16 Laundries("Länder") und headed by der annually elected Führer. The 26th Holder of der Führerstadthaus is Borat Sadgiyev. It's inhabited by tall blue eyed blondes that feed on beer, sauerkraut, and smaller nations. Names of foreign countries outside Germany often bewilder the homeland population, because they are clearly inferior. This has often sparked embarrassing international parking and population shift problems (see World War one/two/three). Germany is located in the middle of Europe and borders many countries, including France. This border is the source of much conflict, and by conflict this means many, many beatings of the French Army. Even throughout all this bloodshed, Germany still has managed to make the finest beer and cars this side of the Rhine since 1930. However, the close proximity of beer, cars, loaded weapons and the Autobahn led to nearly all of Germany's population being destroyed.
The entire population which now inhabits today's Germany is composed almost entirely of Germans, who exhibit behavior unique to their environment. Germans have been known to feel a psychological mass urge known as Blitzkrieg in which Germans feel the need to gain more Lebensraum at the expense of all of their neighbours. This activity is traditionally accompanied with a mass frenzy to join the German Army...

World War II
Very angry from losing ze First Vorldvar, und under Houzearrest, Herr Hitler the Spitler, vas painting a Picture of ze scenic German Countryzide. So, Hitler vas painting a Tree and a Houze and a Concentrationcamp, and because of ze difficulty, he said,"Verdammt! Ich kann diesen Baum und alles nicht malen...O!!! ICH WERDE ALLEZ TÖTEN!!!". And so Hitler, being ze Austrian Geniuz who vas sooo obsessed viz der Germans und der Empire (go figure!) decided to make Germany ztronger zen it had ever been!(Eins-zwei! Eins-zwei! Build an Empire er by!) Und he, being a Stupid auztrian... und not a Brilliant german...built itz up as ze most powerful Zuper-duperpowerin Europa!!! And, being Austrian, threw ze Whole F@ckingempire right down die Toilette over zere. (ja...wieder!)!!! On dooing viz he shtated: "Vee moost move from ze Duetschland that ist meina grosse empirialis unt move eastvard to Russia!"



Ах, каква гавра с люлката на съвременната демокрация, с лидера на съвременното демократично човечество, с износителката на демокрация (по системата демокрация срещу петрол :mhehe: ).

USA
Union of Stupid Aristocrats

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Whoops! Maybe you were looking for United States of America?
The Unified State of Amerika® (U.S.A, pronouced You-Ess-Gay) is a not-for-profit organisation, founded in 1997 by a gaylord called George Washington in 1577 after he was blown off course by Hurricane Christina Lynn Hawks while attempting to find Nemo. He never did.

Official language
English or some kind of barking. Spanish, Dubya, 1337.
It is the stupidest off-shore island of Finland. Also sometimes known as "The worlds greatest Hypocracy" or "The Leader of the Opressing world". The USA is bent on freeing the rest of the world by introducing "Democracy" (by force) so that their people can make free decisions (selling the USA all their oil for a mediocre price) and live in 'free doom' or just plain civil war(reference:Iraq).

Due to intense infighting between the Democrats and Republicans, the country is currently run by a democratically-elected unity government called Bechtel. As every perfect democracy, every presidential election is frauded by a very complex voting system. Specially when the winner actually can't be president.

[edit] History

“Errr, we have history? I know something happened in 1997”


~ An American on the lack of American history
(Едни нямат история, други - бъдеще - бел. I. C. A.)


А, замалко да забравя богоизбрания народ на Израиль:

Israel
I'm sorry, did you mean Occupied Palestine?

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Israel.

Isra-hell, otherwise known by its official name, The Schmenklic Empire of Jewistan (Hebrew: ישראל, Yiddish: יאעסרעאעעייל, Binary: 100101011001. English: The Kike Reich. American: Foreign Aid Black Hole, 1337: H01Y L4ND U F***ing n00b, Arabic: Palestine) is the only gay nightclub in the Middle East, run by Vin Diesel.

Wasrael

Israel is first mentioned in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, version 2.08beta, within a list of places where light seemingly travels slower than rumours.

It is also mentioned in the Bible, but christians refuse to believe so. If you were to show a mention of Israel in the Bible to a Christian, you are likely to get the following response: "Israel? Where? I ain't seein' no Israel, dawg. It's probably the Matrix."

Ancient Israel

Originally, it was a website, Jewdar, where Jews could chat to other Jews about Jew issues, maybe meet up after work and take it from there. For many years, this was a thriving Internet community and it came up with a whole range of in-jokes, ranging from cutting off the end of your knob to shrugging. Notable members included Moses, Woody Allen, Jesus, and Kyle from South Park. It was at this site that jews all over the world decided that their international currency would be glass pearls, as it still is, making it the top one priority of the Israeli secret police to stop the production of fake glass pearls. These are made in great tunnel networks by underpaid Palestinians and are made of hollow plastic....

[Imperial]

Някои идеи за скучаещите дивизионни командири :mhehe:

http://plasmastik.livejournal.com/309163.html#cutid1

[Гост]

Я, това монтаж ли е или истинско? :sm186:

[Imperial]

Истинско е.

[Odzava]

А това от войници ли е правено или от статисти?

[Imperial]

Войници.

[Odzava]

Войници.

Не им завиждам на тези. И при нас в казармата имаше гаргари от типа - "слончета", "делфини" и прочие, но чак такива постижения сме нямали. :rock:

[Dinain]

До сегашното дередже - не само в България - доведе Марксистката религия и чучелото, пълно с талаш и съхранявано под земята, като балсамиран хипопотам на "Червения площад", а не Свещената Библия, поругавана и изгаряна на аутодафета от свирепи селяндури и простаци, слезнали от балканЯ.

:sm113:

[pnp5q]

Едно от обясненията за разпада на СССР е, че Ленин не бил разположен по правилата на фън шуй. :sm113:

[gstg]

Няма начин репортерите да не са се сдобили с тази ценна информация от мастит "професор", шеф на НИМ. Пропуснал е да спомене, че казахът е чичо на Лили.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ig3EjNlKP5M

Поугс и Кейти Мелуа. Какво става след над 30 години злоупотреба и смесване на уиски, джин и бира... не говоря за Кейти, де.

и още малко от вездесъщия Шейн - този път - опит за интервю:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sirut...eature=related

Да ти пратя 1991 ва година албума на ПОГС да чуеш как пеят руски романси?
Много яко.
И само да кажа групата я знам още от 80-те и съм и голям фен , не минава купонче без ПОГС.
:bump: :mhehe: :tup: :trink39: :trink39: :trink39:

[von Danitz]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJBimg6kcR4&feature=related

Предаторът е мухльо, Аеросмит са жалки аматьори, вижте що хората се бият без милост в Ирак!~

[Dinain]

Тия нямат една собствена песен, д'ее. Остава да се чудим кой е RUN DMC и кой - Аеросмит :tdown

[von Danitz]

Не това е основното, важен е бойния дух

[Odzava]

"Za mother Russia" - така май ще е по-добре :lol: :lol:

Между другото според спомените на очевидци на борда на спомагателния крайцер "Атлантис" когато бил маскиран под съветския транспорт "Ким" пишело - "Стерегайтс винтс", и следвало да се чете "Стерегайтесь винта!".