Майтапи

[Odzava]

Напред към нови върхове на форумна комуникация. Да организираме боксов турнир "Майтап". Тъкмо мислех да пусна пост за лозунги от 60-те години ама се сетих за това горе. Лозунгът си е мой и страшно ме кефи. :nworthy:

[albireo]

Вижте на какво изречение се натъкнах докато ровичках едни неща.
Знам че на някой хора ще им се хареса.
In the 1860's Bismarck is reported to have said that if the Brittish army ever landed on the Prussian coast, he would send a policeman to arrest it.

[Стефан]

Извинявайте, че участвах във форума. Не заслужавам да общувам с такива велики капацитети.

[albireo]

Превод в ефир:
"Мрън мрън, вие ми се подигравате. Аз пък няма да си играя с вас. Мрън! ПЪК!"
Стефчо я тропни с краче, не се стеснявай де. Може да има по-голям ефект...

[Стефан]

Ако ме набиете, ще плача от радост...

[von Danitz]

черната стража си е за арестуване, а хайлендарите са абсолютни пияници

[gstg]

Правете любов а не война.
Скоро ще правя кампания антиспин ще ви подаря и презервативи

[Док Холидей]

на мен ми трябват, бутни насам.

[messire Woland]

[albireo]

Заразен от мощната вълна на философстване във форума пускам нещо от един любим автор


Обща теория за тези които не искат да се занимават с градинарство.

Който не си пада по градинарството, се нуждае от теория. Да не се занимавате с градинарство, без да разполагате със собствена теория, означава да водите повърхностен и недостоен живот.
Теориятa трябва да бъде убедителна и научна. Известно е обаче, че различните хора приемат за убедителни и научни различни теории. Необходими са ни значи много теории. Незанимаването с градинарство без теория има своята алтернатива в занимаването с градинарство. Все пак много по-лесно е да се сдобиете с теория, отколкото действително да се занимавате с градинарство.

Марксическа теория

Капиталистите се опитват да развратят умовете на масите и да ги отровят със своите реакционни “ценности”. Те искат да “убедят” работниците, че да се занимаваш с градинарство е огромно “удоволствие”, като искат да направят така, че работниците да си запълват свободното време с градинарство и да не могат да извършат пролетарска революция. Освен това капиталистите искат да внушат на работниците, че ако разполагат с парче земя, те стават “собственици” и престават да бъдат наемни работници, искат да ги привлекат на страната на експлоататорите в класовата борба. Следователно да се занимаваш с градинарство означава да участваш в световния заговор срещу трудовите маси. Не се занимавай с градинарство! Q.E.D.

Психоаналитична теория

Любовта към градинарството е типиочно английска склонност. При това лесно обяснима. Англия е първта страна на промишлената революция. Промишлената революция унищожава природната среда. Природата е символ на Майката. Убивайки природата, англичаните вдигат ръка срещу Майката. Затова ги преследва неосъзнато чувство на вина и те се опитват да изкупят своето престъпление, като отглеждат малки псведоприродни градинки, към които се отнасят с преклонение. Оттук следва, че да се занимаваш с градинарство означава да участваш в гигантско самозалъгване, което увековечава един инфантилен мит. Не бива да се занимаваш с градинарство! Q.E.D.


Екзистенциална теория

Хората се занимават с градинарство с цел да очовечат природата, да я цивилизоват. Но това е отчаян и напразен опит битието в себе си да бъде превърнато в битие за себе си. Това не само е онтологически невъзможно, то е самозалъгване, морално недопустимо бягство от действителността, тъй като различието между битието в себе си и битието за себе си не може да се отмени. Да се занимавaш с градинарство или да се въобразяваш, че можеш да ”очовечиш” природата, означава да се опитваш да пренебрегнеш тази разлика и безнадеждно да отричаш собственния си нередуцируем онтологичен статус на човек. Градинарството е фалш! Q.E.D.





Структуралистична теория

В първичните общества човешкият живот бил поделен между опозиционнат двойка : работа – свободно време, на която опозиция съответствало противпоставянето поле – дом. В съвременните общества оста на опозицията е преобърната : хората работят в домове, в сгради ( фабрики, кантори), а прекарват свободното си време в отворени пространства (градини, паркове, гори, реки и т.н.) Тази разлика е ключова за понятийната структура, спрямо която хората организират своя живот. Да се занимаваш с градинарство означава да предизвикаш пълно объркване в отношението между дом и поле, между свободното време и работа; това означава да се затъмни или направо да се унищожи опозиционната структура, която е необходимо условие за човешкото мислене. Да се занимааваш с градинарство е погрешно! Q.E.D.


Аналитична философия

Независимо от положените усилия не успяхме да дефинираме задоволително градината и градинарството. Никоя от съществуващите дефиниции не дава отговор на въпроса кои явления към коя сфера принадлежат. Просто не знаем какво точно представляват градината и градинарството. Самата употреба на тези понятия е интелектуално безотговорна, а какво остава действително да се занимаваш с градинарство. Никакво градинарство! Q.E.D.

[gstg]

Какво казвала Лили Иванова след секс ?
-Кажи баба тенкю.


:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

[byzantiner]

Какво казвала Лили Иванова след секс ?
-Кажи баба тенкю.


:twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Супер виц! :tup:

[3F122]

Capitalism for Dummies

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

American Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

French Capitalism: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

Japanese Capitalism: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

German Capitalism: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

Italian Capitalism: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

British Capitalism: You have two cows. Both are mad.

Russian Capitalism: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

Arkansas Capitalism: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...

Hindu Capitalism: You have two cows. You worship them.

Swiss Capitalism: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

Canadian Capitalism: You have two cows. Let’s make a hockey team, eh?

Chinese Capitalism: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

Irish Capitalism: You have two cows. You feed them potatoes and wonder why they emigrate.

Israeli Capitalism: So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

Cuban Capitalism: You have two cows. They try to swim to Florida.

Politically Correct Capitalism: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

Disney Capitalism: You have two cows. They dance & sing.

Microsoft Capitalism: You have two cows. You patent them and sue anyone else who has them.

Hollywood Capitalism: You have two cows. You give them utter implants and also teach them to bullet-dodge, wall climb and shoot milk out of their utters on command.

Clinton Capitalism: You have two cows. You deny any knowledge of them.

Bureaucratic Capitalism: You have two cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.

Gore Capitalism: You have two cows. You claim you invented them.

Real-World Capitalism: You have two cows. You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

Australian Capitalism: You have two cows. You try to wrestle them.

Iraqi Capitalism: You have two cows. They are biochemical weapons.

Perestroika Capitalism: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.

Jewish Capitalism: You have two cows. You set them on fire and they burn for 8 days.

Cambodian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Mormon Capitalism: You have two cows. You tell everyone that they should as well.

Military Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Texan Capitalism: You have two cows. You teach them to fire guns.

Totalitarian Capitalism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Nevadan Capitalism: You have two cows. You charge lonely men from Arkansas to spend the night with them.

Jehovah’s Witness Capitalism: You have two cows. You go door to door telling people that you do.

Bureaucrat Capitalism: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Real Capitalism: You don't have any cows.
The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

Environmental Capitalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking them.

Surreal Capitalism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Californian Capitalism: You have two cows. They are happy.

Bush Capitalism: You have two cows. You think that cows and humans can coexist peacefully. You give all of the milk to the upper class when they have cows of their own, and the lower class needs milk.

Martha Stewart Capitalism: You have two cows. After decorating them, you sell them because a farmer told you the price of milk might go down.

Ayn Rand Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell both so that you can invest in a new dairy company. After it does well, you sell you stock and buy a cow farm.
After that does well, you take out a loan using cows as capitol and build a milk manufacturing factory. After making your milk the most sold, you sell the company and retire to Hawaii with your millions of dollars.

In the 1860's Bismarck is reported to have said that if the Brittish army ever landed on the Prussian coast, he would send a policeman to arrest it.

не просто ми хареса, за малко да си разбия главата при падането от стола

[albireo]

World Cup

no comment...

[Dinain]

Ааа, какъв грозен инструмент! :aaa:

Като сме почнали темата за световното - ето списък с указания за жените по време на световното първенство по футбол 2006:

Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, fiancés, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in general) These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in June/July this year...

LIST OF RULES


1. From 9th June to 9th July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored.

2. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

3. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remotecontrol, you will lose it (your eye).

4. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catcha cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

5. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor... it wont happen.

6. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

7. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, its only a game”, or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time”. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called “words of encouragement” will only lead to a break up or divorce.

8. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one” game, hence do not usethe World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together”.

9. The replays of the goals are very important. I don’t care if I have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

10. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because: I will not go, I will not go, and I will not go. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying “but you have already seen this...why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch??”, the reply will be: “Refer to Rule #2 of this list”.

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years”. I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Premier League, Italian League, Spanish League, etc etc.

Thank you for your co-operation.

Regards,
Men of the World

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Dream Team of All Times